Some of us may have watched or heard about the Bollywood movie, “3 Idiots”. Apart from its iconic comedy, acting, and ever-lasting message about chasing excellence (NOT success), a catch phrase from the movie that has stuck with me is, “All is well!”
“All is well”, “All is well”, repeated the lead protagonist of the movie every time he found himself in trouble, while tapping his heart in a comforting gesture. It seemed silly at first, as if he used this tactic to distract himself from the issue at hand. I have come to realize, however, that there was more to it.
When I went to university, two of the friends I made, often responded to my “how’s it going” with:
“chilling, man!”
It seemed cursory at first. I was amazed though when their response stayed the same even when we were in the middle of some of the hardest times I have faced as a student. “I’m chilling man”! I couldn’t believe it. Either they were lying to me, or they were just using that to distract themselves from the cacophony of noises surrounding them in a sea of trouble. What I didn’t realize though is that I also picked up on that same habit. I caught myself using the same response when other people asked me how I was doing, or how things were going:
“chilling, man!”
Eventually, in a eureka moment of its own, it occurred to me that this response was empowering. Motivating even. Especially, in times of trouble. You see, our mind tends to race away at the first sign of trouble. It moves faster than our hearts can catch up. It travels faster than the speed of light, thinking about all the 50x different permutations in which, things can go wrong. To control it in such times, we often need to “fake it till we make it”. “All is well” and “I’m chilling, man” are ways to achieve some semblance of control when our mind starts to race away. It’s our way of telling our conscious-self that even if things seem bad, it will be OK—A point in positive psychology that is worth understanding.
Saying “I’m chilling, man!” is empowering because not only does it distract us from the trouble ahead, but it enables us to control that situation. Our minds are stronger than we imagine them to be – this is a way of letting our minds know that even amidst confusion, and turmoil, there is always a way out. Instead of focusing on the trouble and the anxiety it causes, this phrase helps us focus on finding solutions. It helps us focus on the fact that there exists “A” solution once we overcome the anxiety associated with the first signs of trouble.
Saying “I’m chilling” is humbling because it allows us to remember that our self-worth is not associated with societal labels of value. In today’s world, saying, “I’m busy” or “I’m stressed” is almost synonymous with value. If you’re not busy, your existence does not hold meaning in society. If you’re not stressed, you aren’t doing enough or doing something that is worthwhile. Our chilling perspective reminds us that there is so much more to self-worth. It is not tied to how much time we do not have and how many important things are on our plate.
You see, our words shape our actions, and our actions define our character. Perhaps, this is why, “all is well” became such an iconic action phrase after that movie. It is ultimately a reminder to us that life is as complicated as we make it to be. If we have the “chilling perspective”, we can equip our minds to stay calm despite chaos while keeping ourselves humble throughout it at all.
……And so, the only fitting response to a “how you’re doing” or “how is it going” is, indeed, :
I am sure, for many of us, a melody starts ringing in our ears when we hear the words, “Let-it(in) go”:
Let it go, Let it go….the cold never bothered me anyway!!!
While Elsa maybe onto something when she said, “let it go”, it might not be exactly what I am getting at when I say, “let it go’ (either way, the melody can serve as a good reminder).
What do I mean by “letting go”, then?
It is a conscious decision to let go of the worries we have around things that are beyond our control. It is a conscious decision to stop ruminating about things that cannot be altered by our actions directly. It is a conscious decision to focus on the most important things in life and “letting go” of the noise that often clouds our decision making.
In a society where we are continuously asked to do more, learn more and BE more, “letting go” can be extremely difficult. We are constantly tied to the fruits of our actions. We are constantly worried about trying to control everything in our lives. We are constantly stimulated by a plethora of things on our “to-do” list while trying to achieve perfection in almost every aspect of our lives. We are constantly worried about the “fear of the unknown”.
Nonetheless, “letting go” can be liberating. It relieves us from the doubts that we face while navigating the tumultuous journey of life. It can remind us to only focus on things that are under our direct control while relinquishing worries about the uncontrollables. It can be a reminder that we cannot attain perfection in everything that we do—the goal should always be to do our best and forget the rest. But I guess the question is, HOW do we let go?
I think there are two ways:
Taking a leap of faith! Faith in whatever we believe is the driving force in our lives. It could be God, it could be self-belief, or it could be some other energy that we resonate with. You see, developing trust in a higher being or power source instills a sense of confidence that transcends the web of limitations we self-impose on ourselves. It truly is a way to remind ourselves that we are responsible for the effort and not entitled to the fruits of our actions. It’s a way to remind ourselves that if one door closes, the other one, with potentially a better opportunity, is sure to open . Things always work out in OUR best interest, even though we may not see it as such in the moment. The leap of faith can serve as a constant reminder that the dots will connect in the future.
Reminding ourselves that development and self-growth are the only ways to progressforward in life. Being stuck on things that hold you back is not only limiting but detrimental to our psychosocial well-being. You see, there’s always a hindsight bias when we look back on things and try to find ways of how we could have done things better. Instead, evaluating the situation from a big picture perspective, understanding that the only way to move past an obstacle is to learn and ensure we don’t repeat the same thing in the FUTURE can help us become more resilient. After all, letting go is in itself an act of resilience. If it’s antigrowth, it’s not the right approach – a simple calculation to evaluate our approach and response to an obstacle, in an effort to “let go”.
Once we start adopting the habit of “letting go”, perhaps then, our own version of the melody can be:
Let it go, Let it go….the challenges never bothered me anyway!!!!
A few months ago, my friends and I were having a late-night fireside chat about investing (a common pastime across my social circle nowadays especially since most of them are old enough to have earned money outside of schooling debt that CAN be invested).
While talking about cryptocurrency, blockchain, and tax havens (terms I still don’t understand after having watched at least ten of those “for dummies” videos on YouTube), one of my friends quipped, “The biggest investment you can make is an investment in YOURSELF”. I immediately responded to that saying, “absolutely”, even though I hadn’t really processed what that meant in that instance. Perhaps it was because I had an idea of what he was getting at or perhaps this was my way of dealing with an esoteric conversation that I couldn’t participate in whatsoever.
Recently, however, over the course of a few epiphanies, I have come to realize what he meant by, “the biggest investment you can make is an investment in yourself”.
Oh, the ways of life! Strange, but powerful.
Investing in yourself can come in many ways:
You would be “investing” in yourself if you are pursuing a higher education because it provides massive returns and dividends long-term in terms of elevated job prospects, elevated salaries and by association, an elevated standard of living. You would be “investing” in yourself if you are focusing on improving yourself as a person because it provides massive returns and dividends long-term in terms of better health, a compatible life partner, and an elevated self-esteem. You would be “investing” in yourself if you are performing the right deeds because it provides massive returns and dividends long-term in terms of good karma, increased self-awareness, gratitude and enhanced mental well-being.
Let’s take pursuing higher education for example. There are several times in our lives when pursuing an additional degree seems inexplicable. We often ask ourselves whether accumulating debt without immediate returns is financially sound, especially if you share the burden of responsibility towards caring for your family. Perhaps joining or rejoining the workforce is a more lucrative option in that situation. We are compelled to act in ways that enhance our short-term well-being (although, I do acknowledge that there can be times when you really don’t have any option or opportunity to do so otherwise). However, in those instances, what we sometimes fail to realize is that “investing” in ourselves by pursuing a higher education can provide a more long-term solution to our financial hardship. The returns and dividends in such cases are not just limited to monetary capital but include immeasurable assets like social capital, an advanced professional portfolio and opportunities that resolve your financial struggle more efficiently over a period of time.
The concept of “investing” in yourself applies to many other things that may not be as intuitive. For example, finding a life partner. We often tend to focus on adjusting our personality, our character traits and even some of our physical attributes to match the status quo just like we diversify our investment portfolio given the different attributes of the financial market. At times, we even spend our limited financial resources, going above and beyond our capacity, to find the right person (and once again, I acknowledge sometimes personal and environmental situations demands such extreme measures that are beyond an individual’s control). However, if we can focus on internal growth, by improving our personality for our own benefit, and inculcate the right habits, it is very likely that we will by nature of the process attract a compatible partner who resonates with us – without having to actively pursue a certain type of person. The process is a lot smoother and worthwhile when we shift our focus on self-growth and forego the burden of responsibility of “finding the right person”. The dots always connect, after all. We must be patient and wait for the right time for it to happen organically.
Don’t get me wrong, in today’s dynamic modern society, learning about cryptocurrency, block chain and tax havens is prudent. It is remarkable, even, to think about long-term finances at such an early age and building a strong retirement portfolio. It shows incredible foresight as we start to realize how life can be fickle and fragile. My only concern is if we are starting to lose sight from the bigger picture of investing in “ourselves”, a constant in our lives, in this process of investing in things that are also fickle and fragile in themselves.
It seemed like the world around me had changed slightly. My mom, overjoyed, jumped out of her bed and gave me the tightest hug, followed by a huge cry of relief. My dad, who happened to pick up the phone on an incredibly busy work shift, screamed, “YASSS”, over the phone! My immediate family, all overjoyed, expressed their excitement with a cry of relief and/or video called me to scream the very next instant. What followed was a cacophony of phone call rings which made me realize how “big” this event was, in our lives—I got into medical school. In Ontario. After 5 years of trying!
But this post is not to talk about the events that unfolded thereafter. Neither am I sharing this perspective in hopes of it inspiring someone else. I don’t consider myself to be in a position to “inspire” anyone! For me, it was always about doing what I had to do. Interestingly, though, I have yet to feel the “euphoria” I should have felt once I crossed this hurdle. Perhaps it’s denial. Perhaps it’s detachment. I’d like to think that it’s the focus on the process. And so, what I hope to do here is reflect on the lessons I have learned in the process.
1. Gratitude
They say that gratitude is the most important virtue a human being must possess and practice. I couldn’t agree more. The entire process has made me realize how everything happens for a reason. You must have faith and be thankful for all the ups and downs in life. While I am excited to foray into the world of medicine, I know that this beginning could not have been possible without the sacrifices made by my parents and without the support of so many others (who in the interest of space, apart from my cousin who was part of the reason why I decided to purse medicine, cannot be mentioned here, but know who they are) along the way. Each and every person I have crossed paths with has added to my personal and professional growth. There are so many people that were invested in my journey. For that, I am eternally grateful. Their excitement makes me realize that it is a victory for us ALL and recount my blessings. The people around me made this journey worthwhile, and reinforced the need to focus on the process, rather than the end goal itself.
2. Self belief, paired with a dose of “being real” with yourself
Another very important lesson I have learned along the way is to never doubt your ability to achieve your goals. I remember the very first time I applied to medical schools in Ontario. I was shocked when I sat down to calculate my cGPA. I was in denial. I had a 3.4 overall cumulative GPA (which only really changed marginally [3.56] by the time of my final application cycle). I was afraid of even telling my cousin the exact number. I remember thinking about how embarrassing it would be to tell my friends and colleagues that I was trying to get into a Canadian medical school with that kind of a cGPA. I only told one of my friends at that time (and shout out to him for never questioning my worth). BUT one thing I told myself was to never question my ability of becoming a doctor. Although this small but apparently one of the most important metrics to evaluate someone trying to get into medical school was a prima facie test of whether you could survive a rigorous career like medicine, I knew it could not define whether I would become a good doctor. After all, I had decided to pursue medicine AFTER eliminating other options. That self-belief is what kept me going and pushing even during times when my quest for medicine was questioned (although I must admit that I have been fortunate to have many people around me who have been incredibly supportive and continuously reinforced my belief that I can become a good doctor).
Now, there is an important caveat and a point of clarification I must make when I say dose of “being real”. I DO NOT think that anyone but yourself should be able to tell you when you have tried enough. I don’t think there is such a point where you need to be realistic about your goals – it is all a perception. If I look back upon my journey, there were several instances where I could have told myself that this is THE breaking point—After this, I should stop trying. I am so glad I did not! However, what I do mean by that is one must be able to identify the things that are setting them back IN ORDER TO keep moving forward. I knew that my cGPA, and at times, my MCAT score, (had a 124 in CARS, which made a decently high overall score pretty much futile in Canada) were always going to hold me back. So, I tried to cover up in other ways and made sure I tirelessly worked on becoming a more well-rounded applicant. Yet, the most important part of being “real” is it gives you insight into why it did not work out instead of blaming the system and all the “uncontrollables” that we as humans often tend to attribute to our failures. Internalizing my failures kept me improving upon my weaknesses instead of accepting defeat because of an “unfair” system. To be honest, yes, the system is unfair and difficult at times, but it is not entirely unreasonable either. It rewards patience, persistence and determination.
3. Seek excellence by diversifying; do not always chase success
After my first application cycle in my last year of undergrad, I decided to pursue a masters. That was a career defining moment in more than one way. Apart from learning from excellent mentors, I learned another important life lesson. James Clear, in his book, “Atomic Habits” summarizes it perfectly: “You have to keep your identity not stuck to one thing” – it can’t always be about wanting to become a doctor! There are several reasons for this. First and foremost, this way, if things do not go your way, you haven’t completely lost your identity. At the same time, if things do go your way, it keeps you humble. The times that I got rejected, I didn’t feel completely distraught because I knew that I was doing other things that helped me feel fulfilled and grateful for being able to give back to the community one way or the other. Second, diversifying my interests allowed me to develop a broader understanding of my goal and career and how I could better leverage my experience to have the most impact. My master’s education has given another perspective on what the role of a physician can be in affecting change at a population level. I have learned that the experiences that one collects on the journey are invaluable and can equip one with tools that prepare them even better for what is to come.
4. Life happens on the side; accept uncertainty
While I understand that as an undergraduate student, my primary responsibility was to do well in school, I learned that after some point, it is also important to live life on the side. Life is too uncertain and unpredictable to live in anticipation of a certain something to work out. When I finished my masters, I had to make a decision between staying in Ontario and waiting for waitlist movement for a medical school. There was an enormous amount of uncertainty on where I would be in the next few months. I was juggling between making a decision to move to the west coast for work vs moving to the east coast of Canada for school. This is when I realized that I had to accept the circumstances life sometimes presents and be willing to adapt. Forget about the uncontrollables and focus on the decisions you can control/make for yourself. I decided to move to the west coast without letting the uncertainty of the whole situation dictating my life or hindering growth. Perhaps this is why one cannot live life in blocks or phases. It must be lived simultaneously.
5. Adversity breeds character
Last but certainly not the least, I have learned that adversity and obstacles are the biggest teachers in life. They have the potential to inspire enormous growth if one develops the right mindset. When I did not get in in my last year of masters, I moved bases to British Columbia—a province where I barely knew more than five people. This was extremely disconcerting for someone who grew up with lots of family and friends around within a 50 km radius in Ontario. I felt lonely for the first time in my life. I used to hate weekends and desperately wait for Monday to roll back so that I could return to work and be around people. I absolutely despised having to navigate a new job, a new province, and a new lifestyle all by myself. Over time, however, such difficult time made me realize what I value most in life. Having gone through it all, I have developed this enormous sense of self-confidence that I can withstand any obstacle in life. Moreover, when I decided to rewrite the MCAT for the third time last summer, I failed again. I couldn’t believe it. I was distraught and overwhelmed with emotions. For the first time, I felt that I did not have many options or choices at my disposal. This was probably the first time I questioned my ability to study medicine. However, another important lesson I learned from that experience was how important it is for me to dig deep and understand the mistakes I was making instead of brushing them over as external uncontrollable factors. I had to accept some flaws in my mindset to become a better version of myself and finally succeed in my fourth attempt.
Perhaps this is why they say that the more you seek something, the farther it slips away from you. You face the largest trough just before the peak. I couldn’t agree more. This is why and how adversity build character. This is how adversity detaches you from the end goal, negative or positive. It’s important to accept it instead of constantly trying to evade it. Besides, the best part about adversity is that it makes the story a lot more interesting – like it has for me. I wouldn’t want to have it any other way!
Babalbhai Kevaldas Limbachia breathed his last breath on April 20, 2021 in Ahmedabad, India, signing off on a life, that was, in his own words, “one of respect and filled with adulation”. When the doctor called us to inform us of his critical state, we were in disbelief – not because we were unable to grapple with the truth but rather because of his tenacity and strong-will power to overcome obstacles in life.
Babalbhai was born on April 8, 1930 (just 9 years short of what would have been a fantastic century), in a village called Sandar, Gujarat. Being 4th of his 7 siblings, Babalbhai was used to taking care of others around him ever since childhood and showed a strong will to go above and beyond what was given to him – perhaps this is why he became the first person to get a car, the “Ambassador”, in his entire village, which remained as his biggest prized possession until recently. Babalbhai started his career as a teacher but then slowly forayed into journalism. Eventually, he became the chief of a local Gujarati newspaper, Rakhewal, and reached the pinnacle of his illustrious career when he started sharing podium space with, then Chief Minister of Gujarat, and now Prime minister of India, Shri Narendra Modi (yes he made it).
Babalbhai had a knack for living life to the fullest. One of his favourite past times was to play an elusive game of cards called, “Bridge” with four of his friends – none of us were to disturb him during this hour every Saturday. He also loved being photographed and has a picture taken with almost every big name in the entire city of Gujarat – who all probably relented due to his extremely persuasive and photogenic personality. Most importantly, Babalbhai absolutely loved food, all kinds of food – be it Indian, Italian, Chinese, Continental, you name it. He had this insatiable curiosity to try out all kinds of cuisines and be ok with anything and everything that was given to him to eat. In fact, one of the biggest things he stood for in life was to never waste or disrespect food on your plate. He was a master chef when it came to making dudhpak (Indian sweet) and fruit custard. Whenever anyone else made those in our household, it would always be compared against his gold standard. His love for pizza and cake was strong right up until his 91st birthday.
He is survived by his three daughters, Gayatriben Limbachia (Ahmedabad, IND), Sarojben Limbachia (Unjha, India) and Bhartiben Limbachia (Ahmedabad, India), and son, Amitkumar Limbachia (Toronto, Canada). He enjoyed his last few days video calling his grandson, Jayneel Limbachia (Toronto, Canada) and daughter-in-law, Darshana Limbachia (Toronto, Canada) while discussing everything from the IPL, new dishes/foods that piqued his interests, to Jayneel’s recent ventures in investment (Babalbhai was a kingpin when it came to earning and growing money while sitting at home right up to now). He was the last one of his siblings to depart but his extended family of grandkids, Kalpana Limbachia (Toronto, Canada), Tosha Limbachia (Niagara, Canada), Kalpit Limbachia and many more from his village and social circle are highly indebted to him for helping them settle down in their respective lives. He was the go-to man for everyone in our community in times of need – his larger than life personality and connections allowed him to touch many lives throughout his life. We have all learned several life lessons from him such as the incredibly insightful advice on never taking no for an answer or worrying about failure. He maintained that we should be our own bosses and asked us to remember that no work is small – accept every kind of work available to you and remember that hard work never goes to waste. Finally, he always reminded us to never do anything wrong to anyone and maintain meaningful lifelong friendships.
Due to COVID-19 and keeping everyone’s health in mind, we will be not be holding a mourning session in person or over telephone. Please take this time to take care of yourself and your families because that is what he wanted – in his hospital bed, Babalbhai asked that no one be inconvenienced or put in jeopardy. That is what signified his presence in our lives—strong willed and steadfast, even in times of adversity. In his final days, while battling COVID-19 and a plethora of other illnesses, he was persistent in arranging his care himself. He called the local municipal corporation to order a doctor to come see his daughter who also had COVID-19 himself, he called his oncologist and persistently urged him to find them a hospital bed (We only found out about this after we informed his oncologist of his passing, who immediately called us back and reminisced about his last conversation with Babalbhai whom he had developed an emotional connection with while under his care), all the while telling us, his able-bodied family members, to “leave it up to him”. Every time we spoke to him, with dyspnea (shortness of breath) in his words, he reassured, “don’t worry about me, COVID-19 is not going to take me away”. While his prediction did not hold true, what will stay with us is his clarity of thought and strong self-belief even in his last days.
We are sure that Babalbhai rests in peace and promise to take his legacy forward! As a family, we find solace in knowing that he lived a great dignified life until the very end (and personally: that I got to make up on all of the time I missed with him throughout my childhood over videocall in the last 6 months).
“Dude, it’s so annoying that we can’t meet up because of COVID”
“I hate the fact that I am missing out on seeing my colleagues”
“I am frustrated that I have to learn everything online right now”
“When is this going to be over?”
Undoubtedly, this is what most of us have been hearing off late when we engage in conversations with our friends, family and/or colleagues. It has been exactly 319 days, and 10 months since COVID-19 announced its entry into the Eastern half of our world and subsequently, our lives and lexicon. That is almost a year, wow! It is hardly an exaggeration then when us humans express our exasperation and exhaustion through such remarks.
BUT, does perspective matter? Is there another side to this coin like every other coin? Can the human race really learn from this and become better as individuals? Should we be assessing this situation from a positive lens? I am sure we have all heard of that second side and are well familiar with that OTHER perspective.
AND yet, there is a third perspective, a third side of the coin (if such a coin even exists – I mean the human imagination is beyond conventions, after all)! I came across this perspective some time ago but have only realized its importance recently. It’s the Persian philosophy for happiness (also infamously the cornerstone of Buddhist school of thought), quiet aptly summed up by this age-old adage “this too, shall pass”. The idea is that one must accept the circumstances as they are, since they will simply pass away in the next moment. Now this applies to both good and bad circumstances. It is imperative we remember that difficult times don’t last BUT also that good times don’t last for long either. This second part is precisely the reason why acceptance and detachment are important. The Buddhist school of thought emphasizes that in a constant state of transition that is characteristic of life, one must maintain a steady state of being such that they are not affected by either the highs OR the lows when they come about.
Keeping the current state of local and world affairs in mind, it becomes even more important to practice this philosophy of acceptance and detachment. It allows us to live in the present, irrespective of the situation around us. It reminds us that true happiness lies in realizing that life is full of fleeting moments and being grateful for each and every one of them is what results in endless joy. You see, constantly focusing on the transient is important since the beautiful thing about the human mind and psychology is that our thought processes establish a certain neural circuitry that dictates how we react to subsequent situations and circumstances. Developing and inculcating this philosophy into our lives may not only improve our current state of mind but may also equip us to handle similar situations in the future, head-on!
AND maybe then, we won’t be phased by those remarks and perhaps be able to answer them:
“Man, this COVID thing is really getting to me…. but this too, shall pass”
“Dude, it’s so annoying that we can’t meet up because of COVID….. but this too, shall pass”
“I hate the fact that I am missing out on seeing my colleagues…. but this too, shall pass”
“I am frustrated that I have to learn everything online right now…but this too, shall pass”
“When is this going to be over?…. DOESN’T MATTER because this too, shall pass”
Everything is closed and YET I am here, in a public place like no other, about to board a commercial aircraft that is arguably one of the modern inventions’ that has rapidly escalated this public health crisis.
** Cough cough (dare I say the word)**
As I prepare to board the Boeing 737 to YYZ from Vancouver International Airport, I am reminded by my friends and family, whom I have just sent photos of the airport and myself donning the proper PPE (the cool acronym on the block nowadays which refers to a mask and gloves in this case), to proceed with caution. My sheepish attempt to trivialize this whole situation for myself by sending photos on WhatsApp of a deserted airport in the middle of the day and people being recognized only through their eyes under their PPE (exception: those who have donned fancy shades to protect themselves from the sun and COVID-19 altogether) has inadvertently only resulted in more externally induced anxiety. Thoughts started to pop up in the deep chambers of my mind: should I be taking this more seriously? Is this a bad time to travel? How am I going to keep this mask on for the entire duration of the flight (PSA: Since April 20, 2020, masks have been made mandatory on all airports and flights in Canada)? Heck how am I even going to keep it on for 5 minutes when I need to sip water every 2 mins. Speaking of water, OMG they DO NOT have working water fountains. Will I get water on the flight? Do I need to buy a water bottle?
**So on and so forth….**
While I am not the one to “worry” often, I wondered how I succumbed to these self-perpetuating thoughts. The answer came the next moment when I looked at my phone. A friend retorted: “Oh man, how do you feel? Do you not find it ODD that the airport is so empty?” My reflex was: no! But again, I did not know why. That thought minutes back which had snowballed into a mountain was starting to develop again. But this time, I was able to stop myself. Perhaps it was because we keep getting reminded that channelling externally induced worries and anxieties towards one’s own self is a formula for chaos. We must do better. That’s what I am reminded by my rational self when I am not in a state of panic too, isn’t it? Aren’t we all taught the same by our rational selves? Or perhaps it was the familiarity with the previous instance that helped me get the better of the self-perpetuating thoughts. In a fleeting moment, I remember being taught that comparing your current state with any other state is a formula for disaster – which is precisely what may have happened in the deepest chambers of my mind (the infamous subconscious) when I first read the reaction of my friends to those WhatsApp pictures.
**Why does this sound SO convoluted? **
OR maybe, it was just me overthinking it all. I mean us humans do that very often too, don’t we? I guess I will never know. Perhaps its best if I just stick to “being in the moment” – that is usually the answer anyways!
As the PA system made the final boarding call, off I went—after adjusting my mask and pulling taut my gloves, of course.
WE are in the middle of a world pandemic.
But what an interesting and fortunate time to be ALIVE!
I am sure many of us have heard about the famous philosophy of thought that has been ingrained into our lexicon today through various social media outlets, popular voice and/or as unsolicited advice given by a stranger passing by: “The Art of saying ‘No’”! Undoubtedly, there is some substance here. Given the dynamicity of our fast paced-life and a capitalist society that continuously challenges us to do more, I definitely see the value in learning to use that two-letter word in an attempt to control your happiness. I totally understand that saying “No” at times is not just important for your happiness but also vital to your emotional and psychological well-being. It can be emotionally taxing to be present for everyone, to work more, to do more and to basically not have control over the way your life pans out. In fact, I think it is empowering to have the willingness and the courage to say “No”!
However (and I am sure you this coming), I’d like to present a different side to the coin here (wouldn’t make for a blog post otherwise, would it?). You see, this philosophy of thought can be equally self-limiting and detrimental to growth—sometimes we say “No” simply because of being unaware of our capacity to do more, work more and be more. As humans, we have a tendency to limit ourselves within the confined spaces that our brains occupy but forget about the limitless potential that our minds possess, outside of those realities. Eventually, we succumb to a self-fulfilling prophecy that changes our frame of reference of that capacity when we fail to push ourselves beyond our capacity.
Think about all the times you have said “No” to taking on another project at work because you think you are at max bandwidth. Think about all the times you have said “No” to an opportunity because it is too far-fetched. Think about all the times you have ignored partaking in something simply by identifying one small thing that does not fit your preconceived schema of your capabilities and abilities. The truth is, at the end of the day, it all comes down to the want and willingness to make things happen. Remember the times when you were thrown a project your way at work and you managed to complete it despite being at max bandwidth prior to it? Remember the times when you were thrown an opportunity that seemed beyond your comprehension, and over time, not only did you develop an understanding for it but also completed it successfully? Finally, remember the time when you were forced to participate in something that was outside your comfort zone and realized that it wasn’t so bad after it transpired? You see, the only difference between the first half and the second half is the limitations we imposed on our own self.
The reason why recognizing this and practicing the art of NOT saying “No” is important is because all those extra projects, extra opportunities, and extra time spent doing things always add to your professional, personal, and spiritual growth. There is learning every time you do something or participate in something. There is growth everywhere, even though it may not be apparent at first. You never know or realize it at the time (and rightfully so), but it is almost definite that the dots connect in retrospect. A deep sense of gratitude fills your heart when you realize how the dots connect. You see, the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy does wonders because it applies both ways. When you start to do more, work more, and be more, you continue to find ways of pushing your boundaries. You continue to become more stoic, and have a better grasp on your time. Most importantly, you slowly start to find a meaning and purpose to your life when you get into this zone of keeping yourself occupied. Perhaps this is how the entire process, unbeknownst to you, becomes a calling, and the less you will need – or want – to say “NO”
ITS 2020! Not just a year, but an entire decade has turned around.
However, ringing in the New Year (and this case an entire new decade) often comes with its own challenges – one of them being setting and following through on our New Year resolutions.
Now, first of all, let me get one thing out of the way – there is NOTHING wrong with setting resolutions. In fact, it is inspiring to see people think about different goals and benchmarks they want to achieve for themselves as the New Year rolls around, every January. But surprisingly, the idea of setting new year resolutions is met with vitriol today from people who consider it to be worthless simply because most people have trouble following through on them. Not sure how our society has come to vindicate a lack of reflection to be the more normalized course of action today. Nonetheless, people who try to reflect upon the past year to change something in their lives or achieve something in the new year should be given credit for at least having the courage to identify the need FOR growth. Shouldn’t they be supported in their quest rather than be afraid of setting such goals because of societal pressure to conform? The real question is, HOW can we as a society improve our ability to follow through on our commitments and sustain behaviour change?
The issue is not that we have limitations that get in our way of achieving those goals, but it is rather this seemingly innocuous idea that those limitations are beyond our control, which over time limits our self-growth. Sure, humans are indeed limited by a plethora of factors that have to do with biology, time, space and other external entities but as a wise man said, “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure”.
What do I mean by that quote in this context? Simply put, we create our own boundaries, set our own limitations, and are directly responsible for our successes AND our own failures. The problem is we fail to recognize our internal potential. We let go of the power our mind can exercise on our spiritual and physical self when we believe that things are not in our control.
This understanding is important, especially when it comes to making changes and sustaining them because it puts the ownership of making a difference, leading a more fulfilled life, and being aware of our moods directly into our own hands. Most importantly it helps us understand how most of the difficulties we face, the challenges we encounter, and the setbacks we experience are things that can be dealt with by ourselves. It is ALL about the attitude—We have it in us to problem solve and we have it in us to feel a certain way at a given moment – we just have to realize that potential. Believing in such ability is 90% of the battle.
The idea is to develop an attitude that always reminds us of our ability to take ourselves out of a difficult situation the same way we often bring ourselves to experience the good ones. So, go out there and make that resolution this NEW Year of a NEW decade.
BUT most importantly, remember that the difference between following through on that resolution and letting it be just a distant goal is YOU and you only!
Recently, my cousin, a friend of mine, and I completed a hike in Squamish, BC.
The famous Garibaldi Lake Hike (pictured above, in all its glory, on a typical Vancouver day – rainy, of course)
While I could go on and on about the exhilarating (or rather irrational) decision of starting a 10 km (~5 hours) hike on a Sunday afternoon at 3 pm (the sunset in BC happened around 5.45 – 6 pm that day), I’ll save that for some other time!
What I hope to talk about here is how this hike gave me a renewed perspective on a famous idiom we continue to hear in our day to day lives – “trust the process”. What does it mean, anyway? The concept and the phrase are as abstract as some of the contemporary art exhibits at the ROM or any other upper tier museum but also simple enough that they can apply to our everyday struggles.
You see, when we started our hike, we weren’t aware of its difficulty or of the amount of time it would take to complete the entire hike. We started off briskly, filled with enthusiasm to reach the peak. A few kilometers in, we realized we would have to pace ourselves to avoid running out of tank. We kept adjusting to each other’s pace, ensuring no one felt as if they were slowing the group down or getting ahead of each other. Then came a point where we had no goal in sight, completely unaware of how far we were from the top. We had a difference of opinion on whether we should continue going up or just go back down before sunset. We decided to go a little further up, trying to get close to a sightseeing spot closer to the peak. We figured it would be wise to at least see something after having traversed what seemed like a long 2 hours. Eventually, when we got to the sightseeing spot, all of us felt this rush of energy and decided to complete the hike – we were ready for the final push, and it seemed unreasonable to give up at this point. Slowly but surely, we made it. IT was beautiful. There were not a lot of people at the top but you could see the joy of finally making it on the faces of the ones that were present there.
BUT this is where it got interesting. We spent approximately 15 mins max at the top, looking at the lake. 15 mins. We climbed up in 3 hours and rushed back down in 2 hours (rip knee rotator cups) to spend 15 mins at the top. Although you could argue this was because we were forced to head back down before it got dark, how much longer could we have spent looking at the lake? I reckon not much.
THIS got me THINKING!
If we really put into perspective, we spend a MAJORITY of our time working towards a peak or that goal we have set for ourselves but spend a considerably LESS amount of time staying at that top (whatever this may be). The PROCESS is the journey it takes to get to our peak, that goal. Most of us often spend longer in the journey towards that goal. Not because the top is outrageous or our successes are transient but because the journey is inevitably the longer stretch and because as humans, we always crave for more. We realize when we get to the top that we want to go further up. Something in us remains unsatisfied (and this may be a good thing for development, no doubt). And so, we always seek to explore further. We embark on yet another hike, but this time to Eagle’s ridge instead (to those of you that don’t know, Garibaldi Lake is actually not the highest point. There is a destination further-up that people often go to once they get to Garibaldi – its supposedly even more beautiful!).
My point here is that “trusting the process” or “believing in the process” involves being self-aware and self-reflective during the journey because that is where most of our life’s lessons lie. The process is the present and the part we control. Maybe living in the present involves focusing on the lessons you are learning NOW rather than brushing them over in sight of the goal, the top, or the zenith—whatever that may be for you!
Still don’t trust the process? I urge you to re-read the story of our hike to the top of Garibaldi lake to see for yourself all the lessons that lie therein 😉
Life as we know it? 